List

Dear Pea-pod

Here's a list of food and smells we love and hate (this list will be expanded, I'm sure):

We love:

Watermelons
Red bean paste
Lemony sweets
Papayas
Porky noodles
Subway tuna sandwich (we can't have deli meats!)
Ginger and lime
Dried cranberries

We hate:

Fish and all kinds of sea-food (ewwwwwwrrrgh)
Tea rice
Lamb (we love the actual lamb because they are little clouds with black boots)
Beer
Smell of beer on Daddy's mouth (actually that's just Peapod's contribution...)
Smell of Daddy's b*lls (again, that's Peapod's..)
Smell of Daddy (PEAPOD!!!)

Smile for the cameras

Dear Beano,

You're such a well behaved bean, aren't you? Not only did you not fuss during our holiday to New Zealand, you didn't make me puke once, although you must have somehow know that we were flying back to Singapore and upchuck came the fish and rice on the nice Singapore Airlines toilet. No matter, we were both well tired after a really marvellous holiday. Somehow I have a feeling that you're not going to like fish alot.

Can you believe it? Our first holiday. Your pa took some really brilliant photos of the South Island which we will show you one day. We went whale watching in Kaikoura - a whale! Can you believe it? Three sperm whales in fact and they were awesome.

Today mama had the very first look at you with the ultra sound. Your head was massive and you had a strong and rapid heartbeat. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.. You're actually more ahead that I thought you were. 9 weeks it seems! Today you measured at 23 mm wiggling and hiding from the ultrasound machine. I remember the first moment when I discovered I was pregnant with you, I was filled with thoughts of dread of the freedom I'd lose, the easy lifestyle we'd give up. Today when I actually saw you through the machine, it changed. I finally found my footing in my life - us - your pa, you and I.

All I want for Christmas..is some space management

Dear Ickle-you

You're now 6 weeks and I look like I just ate the entire Subway franchise! Look how round I already am! What do you do with all that space anyway? You're only about the size of a lentil bean which is somewhere between 4-5 millemetres across! I'm thrilled of course you're in fact growing (or in your case, dividing into various parts) but I still feel like it's a daunting process to grow as big as a pail in the months to come!

I went to the gym this morning - you seemed up for it this morning and besides abit of mobility would not hurt either of us. I bet you slept through it all you lazy bugger.

We're going to NZ next week - you'll love it.

Short conversation

Dear Pea-pod

Did I ever tell you that we have two lovely cats? One's George and the other's Maggie who is still a kitten. George is a real scardy-cat while Maggie is very boisterous - the three of you are going to have so much fun together.

Your father and I are beginning to warm to the idea of you. We've shared our fears and hopes and I spent most of yesterday worrying about what's to come, how our lives would change, how unprepared we both were and if we were doing the right thing. However, at the same time the joy of you, knowing and looking forward to seeing you brings me hope. You are after all the best part of your father and I and we love each other.

This is why I love your father so much - he has a good heart. He may bumble sometimes by being too practical but he eases my fears and gives me security even though I know he himself is unsure of what is to come. I wish I could be a bit more expressive but many times, I fall asleep with a smile on my face knowing he is next to me.

Pea-pod, you're 5 weeks old this week! Your little heart should be beating anytime soon now! Little beats that won't stop till the sun sets for you. Isn't it amazing? I felt a sharp cramp in my uterus just now - nothing to panic about really. This is probably my uterus making space so that you'll be a bit more comfy as you grow.

Love and kisses.

The best laid plans of mice and men

Dear Little You

Some day when you're a bit bigger, you'll find yourself being scared and not know what to do. Sometimes you may feel helpless and confused. I want to tell you now its okay to feel that way because it makes you a stronger person somehow.

Hopefully.

Last night your father and I cried because we were scared at the prospect of becoming parents. We honestly do not know what to do or where to go to for support. We want someone to tell us that everything will turn sunny side up and all will be good. I would have imagined that being 31, I would have a better grip and maturity to handle anything that passed my way. However the truth of it is, we spend our days and nights chasing after the wind till you find that while you have grown older, you haven't grown up.

I said to your father last night that our freedom has been taken away. Freedom to do what? We want things to be comfortable, to have control over every situation. However life has a grand way of pulling the rug under your feet and you get blindsided. Do you try to ressurect the dead or get on your feet and pull it together? (Hint: it's easier to raise the dead. Easier but futile.)

I love your father very much, my little one. Each passing day I love him more than the one before. I want to promise him everything will be fine but I can't and it kills me. Likewise with you, one day I want to promise you that you'll never be hurt, teased or have anything that will make you feel bad about yourself but I can't.

Yesterday your father asked me to marry him. I remember how his face lit up for the briefest of moments when I said yes. I felt a strange whoooosh swept past us and then he leant forward to kiss me. It was beautiful. I know he wants the moment that he proposes to have its most perfect of settings but...you see, the most perfect man just asked me to marry him.

The day when cider and sushi ran away with the spoon

Dear Little You

Yesterday I discovered I was pregnant with you. When I told your father about your news, he being full blooded english, went out to Harry's Pub, drank 3 ciders, got pissed and bought a chicken pie as a gift.

That's right my little one. Be very familiar with 2 things. Ciders and pie.

Your father suggested that I set up this blog for you so in time to come, you may either reflect on your conception as a gift from God or use it to blackmail either your father or myself by which time i hope the internet will be obsolete by then. My only hope for this is that you come to appreciate how much weight I am going to gain (and hold on to!), the stretchmarks across my belly and the fact that your father is unable to go further than a test ride on the Mazda MX-5 sports convertible.

We both had a niggling feeling that you were somewhere up and about. For one thing, I missed my period by a week and since I'm on the pill, it means that I would know to the day I missed my period. Your father had a feeling when he was reading Freakanomics - I am sure if you ask him about it he will tell you what Freaknomics and you have in common. We're still very amazed at your conception as I was on the pill when you were conceived so like your father said you've got quite a will to live and a bit of a fighter.

I have to confess little one, that I cried alot when I found out I was pregnant with you. It's not that I don't love you but this is the truth - I was overwhelmed by the enormous prospect of growing up. I texted your father to come home soonest and he did. For someone who has an opinion and answer to every living theory, his reaction was rather monosyllabic - all he said was "maddness! madness!....madness!"

Yup I agree little one. It's madness but there is no doubt that we have already begun to love you very much. Your father for one, is going to give up smoking and not drink too much. There's no question about that for me and I'm reading up as much as I can to make sure that you're getting the right amount of nutrients so that you'll get the best start possible. We can't guarantee that we'll be the best of parents, nor will you always get everything your little heart desires, but I know at the end of it all, we'll be happy and turn out alright.

Xx