When all you can do is...

Dear Pea-pod

Can I just say:

How grateful I am to have you

That I'm worried mostly about your father who is doing his best by us

And that I know what it's like to feel afraid

When you have to be responsible for another life

Sometimes I want to curl up in a corner and not move

I don't want to go out, do anything but just hang my head

When I get sad from time to time and cry (like now)

It feels like a big lonely space

But this means my life has been full to feel all that

For everything happens for a reason

Even in bad times, some good can still come out of it

There will be a time that comes and we sit back and say

"See, that was a window where the sun shone on you"

For now, I have to say

All the times that I have been ill and coping with nausea

And for all the times that I moan for it to be all over,

Pea pod, you've been good for me all these while.

'Cuz you make me feel, moany moany

Dear little 1-inch

I know I haven't written in a really long time and I don't want to sound ungrateful because I really am and I hate to moan especially when there are loads of other women who wish the are in my position but....

I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant.

Don't cry now please because really, the only good thing about this whole gig is you and I do love you so much so don't be sad. However, being a human skin bag isn't very fun when I wake up to cry or making sure that feeding time is right on the dot (not a second less), vomming when accidentally eating anything that has the word f-i-s-h.

Then there is uncontrollable crying spells. I had a really bad one about a week ago which more or less started friday night thru to sunday morning. As you can see, you lovely daddy came home after a long week in a shit office to a condusive and calming weekend. If someone can understand why I just want to...cry...maybe I (oh dear) enjoy crying...to pass time? Its moments like these, you should worship the ground your father walks on.

Moany mummy.

I wish i was an ostrich so that i bury my head in the ground.